Jimmy Carter Declared Supreme Leader of North Korea

"Do to North Korea what you did to America and I'll smack the crap outta ya!"

(API - Pyongyang) The North Korean Communist Politburo today tapped Former US President Jimmy Carter to be their new Dear Leader.  "We are a militarily impotent economic basket case," Communist Party Secretary Wu Hu told reporters, "Carter is perfect for the job."

In his inauguration speech, Premier Carter insisted he would continue his predecessor's policies and not rule out a nuclear attack on the United States.  "The world will feel the mighty wind of our atoms!"  He declared to an emaciated throng forced to cheer at gunpoint...

The White House sent congratulations, saying President Obama couldn't wait for a chance to bow to the new dictator of the hermit kingdom.